Last Chance, Kate
by becksbiggestfan
Summary: SEASON 4 EPI 1 SPOILERS! Kate goes over the events *ahem* at the playground and comes up with her own conclusion, that hurts Castle. Can they recover and, finally, become a couple? Or does this mark the end of everything? C/B, E/L, J/R... T just cuz...


**So... I haven't posted in a while. Sad, I know. Um, my summer was REALLY busy, and then my computer broke (stupid computer) and then I started high school and so I was like drowning under a bunch of homework and math took sooo long. I didn't wanna get flogged... don't ask. Anyway, I'm really tired (long day) so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. Uhm, oh, I just watched the new episode (don't have TV, Hulu is a lifesaver...), who else thinks it's the best episode they've aired so far?**

* * *

><p><em>"After my mother was killed, something inside me changed. It's like I built up this wall inside. I don't know, I guess I just didn't want to hurt like that again. I know I'm not going to be able to be the kind of person I want to be, I know I'm not gonna have the kind of relationship that I want until that wall comes down. And it's not going to happen until I put this thing to rest."<em>

Her own words echoed inside her head. In Kate Beckett language that meant one thing, I love you, but we can't be together just yet. And Castle knew that. He knew she had done her best expressing her feelings. Now it was his turn, to let her know he loved her enough to wait for her just a little longer. Wait for her to come crashing through the wall, or maybe simply build a ladder.

But then, he'd asked her to stop working on her mother's case. The one thing keeping her back from a full recovery, and maybe even the one thing keeping the two from each other. At the time, Kate hadn't thought much of it, dismissing it as him worrying about her emotional state. The more she thought about it, though, the more she realized that there was something else, some hidden reason guiding him to say it. Kate guessed it was simply that he was tired of waiting around and was questioning whether or not he really deserved all this putting off what could be.

And so, it was right then, that Kate felt like it was a now or never type of situation. If she followed his wishes, she could potentially lose both the man she loved and any lead on her case still even remotely hot. But if she didn't, she may finally put this terrible part of her life behind her and move on. In her mind, the second one seemed to stand alone. That's what she would have to do. Castle was growing tired of just waiting around for her to acknowledge her feelings, it was time for her to make a move, any move at all.

With this in mind, Kate now sat over the table in her apartment, case files, pictures, notes all strategically laid out in front of her. Her mind racked the information with a new found perseverance. This was her last chance, she continued telling herself, her last chance to find the missing puzzle piece that would make the rest just float together. If she didn't find this, she may never get the chance to live the life she wanted. She may be stuck inside this work driven wounded detective who was always steps away from the rabbit hole, with no turning back. She'd be alone, hurt and hopeless. This was her last chance.

Her eyes grew tired very quickly and pretty soon she gave out a frustrated groan and leaned back against her chair. "Who am I kidding, Kate?" She asked herself. "I've gone over this a million times, maybe more. If I haven't found something already, what makes me think I will now?" She muttered.

"I believe it's called hope." A man's voice said from behind her. Kate yelped slightly and turned around in her chair, latching onto the back of it.

"Castle!" She cried, "What are you doing here?"

Castle was standing in the doorway separating the kitchen and the living room. His hands were in his favorite black jacket he always used over the winter and sometimes on cold fall days, like today. He looked disappointed, and hurt as he watched the detective do the exact thing he had specifically asked her not to. Was this how Montgomery felt when he'd expected more from the partners then running off to LA together to chase down leads on a case that wasn't even their own?

"I thought I asked you not to look into your mother's case anymore." He said quietly.

Kate swallowed and sighed, opening her mouth but quickly shutting it as she realized she had no idea how to explain. Instead she said, "Why didn't you knock?"

"I did. You didn't answer and the door as open. I knew you were here so I let myself in." Castle told her, not moving from his spot. Kate recognized that almost immediately. He'd felt comfortable enough to invite himself into her home, but not enough to sit down at a table with her?

Kate glanced at the clock for a second, 8:33 PM, then back at Castle, "I'm sorry, I just," she paused and looked at the ground, turning towards the table again. "I can't help it. This case, it's the air I breathe, Castle. And I don't think pushing it away right now is going to do either of us any good." She said to the head shot of her mother.

Castle's eyes closed as he considered his options for a second. There was just let her off the leash and allow her to continue working on this case, jeopardizing her life once again, or telling her the truth. Just like with Kate, there was one that stood alone. His usual comfortableness returned and he pulled his hands from his pockets, walking forward and taking the seat opposite her.

Quickly, Castle began pulling everything away from her, sliding it into a manila folder, Kate immediately cried out in objection, but as Castle looked slowly up from the papers and into her eyes, she quieted down. "You can't do this, Kate."

"I thought you said we had to get this guy." She exclaimed.

Castle pursed his lips for no more then a second, "Yes, I did, but," Castle sighed, "you don't understand, Kate. You just can't investigate it anymore."

"This is my mother's case, Castle. Don't you dare tell me to walk away. I'm doing this for us, just as much as her." Kate's angry look vanished into one of utter shock, not quite believing the words that had just escaped her mouth. Castle looked pretty caught off guard as well, so much he'd stopped patting the end of the file on the tabletop to level it out to look at her for a second.

His pained look returned, "And you don't think that if I could, I'd be doing the same thing right now? Kate, I want this over with just as much as you, but please, you have to understand this is for your own good."

Kate watched as Castle stood up, walked to the shredder and slowly shredded everything in the file. He turned back to her once the last slip had slid through. Her look of surprise had been replaced with anger and her breathing grew harder. Exasperation clouded her judgment and she lashed out, "You can't tell me how to live my life. I've said this before and I'm saying it again, Castle, it's not yours to steer, it's mine and I'll choose which rode I'm turning on. Get out. Now."

Castle's eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head, not of refusal, but of pain. "And I will, I promise you, but not until I tell you why I shredded those."

"Out." Kate repeated with such vengeance and hate oozing from the one word, Castle winced.

"I'm not giving you names and I'm not giving you specifics, but at some time in the last few weeks I received a call. There was a man on the other end, telling me that you had to stop looking into this, Kate. He said that you were safe as long as you quit. If you open it again though, not me, not Esposito or Ryan or even Sir Iron Gates is going to be able to protect you. And I know that you heard what I said at the cemetery after you were shot. I know that you know I don't want to do anything that could ruin what we're slowly paving out, but I didn't have a choice." Castle stared at her for a moment longer, before walking around the table and right back out the door.

Kate felt as though she aged ten years in a matter of seconds. He wasn't rethinking his feelings, he wasn't trying to take a step back. He was trying to save her from reliving the fate she'd already experienced, to keep the both from more pain. It was up to her, this time, to save their once again dying whatever they're status currently was. Castle wouldn't be there to step back in.

With as much hope as she'd had only minutes before, she buried her face into her hands and sighed. She felt like she wanted to scream.

* * *

><p><strong>That was NOT how I planned it to end... btw. Uhm... so, was it good bad? Please review! Oh and any rude and unnecessary reviews are gonna be deleted... Thanks! Don't worry... I'm gonna do a second chap... can't wait to write it!<strong>

**- xo, becksbiggestfan**


End file.
